- anti-steele your heart away -- act
two
Date: Thursday, March 08, 2001
- Susan Deborah Smith <susannah2k@netscape.net>
okay to archive
REMINGTON STEELE
"ANTI-STEELE YOUR HEART AWAY"
a teleplay by Susan Deborah Smith
(with respectful apologies to and much admiration for Brian
Clemens)
ACT TWO
FADE IN
EXT. HOTEL -- DAY
In an older block of buildings, nothing special, maybe slightly
run down. Laura's rental car pulls into a guarded, fenced parking
lot next door.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Tony blinks at a room that is not so much dirty as faded, ancient,
and lacking in Hilton style comforts. Laura enters with her suitcase.
TONY: Is this the kind of place we usually go to on our lunch
hour?
LAURA (ignoring him): It gets us off the street, and there are
plenty of people downstairs - they wouldn't dare try anything
here.
Tony flops on the bed.
TONY: It's not the Hilton, but I'm not complaining.
He stretches out his arm and pats the bed. Laura ignores him
and seats herself in a chair. She looks at Tony and thinks.
Tony, a bit uncomfortable under this scrutiny, props himself
up on some pillows and tries to get a conversation started.
TONY: So. Who's the "they" who won't dare try anything?
LAURA: That's what we're going to try and find out, Tony. What
were doing here in New York?
TONY: You don't know?
LAURA: All I know is I got to the office on Friday and there
was a note from you saying you were taking a long weekend and
you'd be back on Monday.
TONY: Huh. Well - obviously I had to take off on some important
case. Sure. That would explain this idea I can't shake. The one
about there being a crime or something that we've gotta stop.
Then he sees Laura's skeptical face.
TONY: What's wrong with that?
LAURA: You don't work that way - alone - without me.
TONY: Oh, come on! Are you telling me I'm a detective but I never
go out alone?
Laura stares at him, silent.
TONY: There's something you're not telling me. All that crap
about not knowing my background - after all we've meant to each
other! Ms. Steele - Laura - don't keep holding out on me! You've
gotta help me - please. Tell me the truth - everything you know.
LAURA: Mr. Roselli - you're not a detective.
TONY: I'm not?
LAURA: You're a government agent.
TONY: Oh, my God. I work for the IRS, don't I!
HOLD Tony's reaction.
EXT. HOTEL - PARKING LOT - DAY
Fawn is reflected in the glass or mirror of Laura's car - and
we TILT UP to find Fawn grimly scanning the surroundings of the
hotel.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Tony is sitting up on the edge of the bed.
TONY: Are you trying to tell me I'm some kind of spy and I've
traded jobs with a guy who's a private detective?
LAURA: Pretty much, yes.
TONY: And that's it? That's all you know?
LAURA: You've always been very evasive and mysterious about your
background.
TONY: Well, yeah, but haven't I dropped any hints or clues along
the way?
LAURA: Well, when I first met you, you were posing as an archaeologist
in the jungle in Mexico. Then you turned up as the head of the
Immigration and Naturalization office in Los Angeles. After that,
you were a consular official in London, and last time I looked
you were wanted by both the CIA and MI6 on suspicion of being
a double agent - before my husband finally cleared you of all
charges.
TONY: Man, I really get around. (pleased; then shocked) Waddaya
mean, your husband?
LAURA: Remington Steele.
TONY: You're married to the guy who owns the agency?
LAURA: Yes. I mean, no. (patient) No. I own the agency. His name,
my experience - oh, never mind. (beat) While I'll admit the various
bits and pieces are fascinating, they fall short of telling us
who you really are.
TONY: Who I really am . . . ? Yeah, that's part of it, somehow
. . .
LAURA: If we could find out what you've been doing since you
got here - where you've been - then we might be nearer to discovering
why . . .
TONY (interjects): Hey, hold on! I see a place . . . There's
a man. A man with a briefcase. He has grey hair.
LAURA: Yes.
Tony gets up and paces, enlarging on this tantalizing scrap of
memory.
TONY: He's opening the briefcase.
LAURA: Yes, yes . . .
TONY: There's a tape player inside. The old fashioned kind.
LAURA: Keep going.
TONY: He turns on the tape player and . . .
LAURA: Yes?
TONY: A voice on the tape says "Good morning, Mr. Phelps.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it - "
Laura frowns and rolls her eyes. That line is awfully familiar.
TONY (not noticing): . . . And then the tape self-destructs after
five seconds.
LAURA: Oh, no.
TONY (stops pacing): Yeah, it does. Like acid's been poured over
it, just up in smoke.
LAURA: Tony, everybody knows that the scene you've just recounted
is the opening to every episode of Mission: Impossible they ever
made.
TONY: Oh.
He sits down. Laura watches him for a moment. His depression
is apparent. Then her eyes are riveted by something sticking
out of his pocket.
LAURA: Don't move!
Tony looks up. Laura reaches toward him and gently pulls whatever
it is out of his pants pocket and examines it. It's wrinkled
not just from being stuffed in his pocket, but from being water-logged.
LAURA: It's a menu. For take-out pizza.
TONY: Hey! A clue!
He takes it from her and reads it. They exchange looks and head
for the door.
EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - PIZZA PLACE - DAY
Establish, then Tony and Laura enter shot to regard the faded
building.
TONY: Is this where I usually like to eat?
LAURA: Let's have a look.
Laura ENTERS the pizza place, but Tony VEERS OFF to look at the
boarded up bar next door. Through the glass we see Laura speak
to the GUY behind the counter then turn and react when Tony isn't
beside her.
Laura EXITS the pizza place, looks up the street then down it.
ANOTHER ANGLE
Tony is reading the notice we saw before. He is frowning, trying
to recall something. We HEAR VERY FAINTLY the distant sound of
HOOFBEATS as Laura grabs his arm and:
LAURA: Come on.
She tugs him away. A beat later, Fawn enters shot to gaze after
them.
INT. OFFICIAL OFFICE - DAY
Poppy is leaning back in his chair and gazing out the window
at some Washington landmark.
POPPY: A private detective?
EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - PAY PHONE - DAY
Fawn talks into the phone.
FAWN: With Remington Steele Investigations. I got it from the
hospital. It's some kind of family business. The woman and her
husband --
INT. OFFICIAL OFFICE - DAY
POPPY: Oh, dear. This is getting more complicated by the minute.
It's a darned shame I don't have all those Company resources
to fall back on.
FAWN (v.o.; phone filter): If you want my advice -
POPPY: Thanks, Ms. Hall, thanks, but I don't think so. I realize
you're a darned loyal assistant, but you're still (beat) just
a darned loyal assistant. (thinks) Now let's see here. First,
we need to find out how much Mr. Roselli knows and why he's using
a detective agency as a front.
FAWN: And then?
POPPY: Terminate, Fawn. Go up the river and - you know - terminate.
Terminate his operation.
And he hangs up, returning his gaze to the Washington view.
INT. POOL HALL - DAY
Through a doorway, we see Tony pick up a cue stick from one of
the dusty, broken down tables and bend over the table.
TONY: Number six in the side pocket. (mimes a shot) Oh, man,
those were the days.
Laura approaches the door to the back room.
LAURA: Is this it?
Tony lays the cue down and follows. Laura pushes the door wider
to:
INT. BACK ROOM - DAY
REVERSE ANGLE as Laura and Tony enter and look around.
TONY: Yeah. Yeah. This seems kinda familiar.
He moves to stare at spot where Clines was lying.
TONY (cont'd): Does that look like blood?
Laura moves to look - to crouch, touch the dark patch with her
fingers. She reacts.
LAURA: It's more like oil or something. It's not blood.
As she rubs her fingers on a cleaner spot of carpet:
TONY: So maybe he wasn't dead.
LAURA: Maybe just unconscious like you.
Laura rises and gazes around the room. A narrow door catches
her eye, and she goes to it and pulls it open, then reacts as
a rack of pool cues falls out on her. As she tries to support
the rack, the cues continue to fall like toothpicks all around
her.
Tony comes to her aid, and Laura laughs, nervously. So does Tony,
as if they were both expecting something else to fall out of
the closet. Their laughter stops dead at the sound of:
OLIVER'S VOICE: Keep your hands where we can see them and turn
around. Slowly.
Laura and Tony slowly turn around to find themselves facing two
uniformed members of the NYPD - Oliver, an erect, crew-cut type,
and Posy. Posy has a gun pointed at them.
OLIVER: The Lieutenant was right.
POSY: Said you'd come back to dispose of the body.
LAURA: What body?
TONY: The one that -
ANGLE ON TONY'S FOOT as Laura's heel drives right into it.
TONY (cont'd): Ow!
RESUME SHOT
LAURA: What body?
POSY: You know what body.
OLIVER: If you're not here to dispose of the body, then what
are you doing here?
LAURA (shrugs): Just looking around.
POSY: Breaking and entering. In addition to -
TONY: You guys've got it all wrong. We're private investigators
. . .
LAURA: That's right - we're on your side.
During this, while Posy keeps them covered, Oliver advances on
them.
TONY: There was this clue, see. A pizza menu in my pocket . .
.
LAURA: So naturally I thought . . .
She is cut short as Oliver snaps a handcuff on her wrist - and
then the other on Tony's.
OLIVER: Save it for the Lieutenant.
Tony and Laura regard each other haplessly - they are now handcuffed
together.
POSY: You have the right to remain silent . . .
EXT. POOL HALL - DAY
Oliver and Posy hustle Tony and Laura toward a police car.
TONY: You're making a big mistake here, guys. When the lieutenant
finds out who I am . . . (sotto voce to Laura) Maybe he'll do
me a favor and tell me!
LAURA: Who's body is it? The one you think we were hiding?
Oliver opens the door to the back seat.
As Posy shoves them into the back seat of the police car:
LAURA: You could at least tell us who we're supposed to have
killed!
Posy jumps into the front seat and the police car pulls away.
EXT. AVENUE - DAY
TRAVELING EYELINE TO: the Manhattan skyline being left behind.
The police car is heading in the other direction.
INT. POLICE CAR - DAY
As Tony leans forward, gently inquiring:
TONY: Which precinct are you taking us to?
OLIVER: Twenty-fourth.
TONY: Ah.
Apparently satisfied, he settles back next to Laura, leaning
close to whisper.
TONY (cont'd): The twenty-fourth precinct is in Manhattan.
He nods toward the view out the back window.
TONY (cont'd): They're not police.
LAURA (startled): What?!
Posy turns menacingly.
POSY: Something wrong?
LAURA (lifting manacled hand): The cuffs bit into my wrist.
POSY: We're almost there.
TONY: Laura. Listen. We haven't got much time.
As the ominous accuracy of his words register on Laura:
EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY
A road crew is setting up roadblocks and detour signs. There
is a large park running along one side of the avenue.
INT. POLICE CAR - DAY
Oliver and Posy exchange a frustrated look - then Oliver alights,
Tony and Laura watching as:
EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY
Oliver moves away from the car to remonstrate with the SUPERVISOR
of the road crew. (They talk unheard at this distance.) Clearly
Oliver wants him to let them through - the Supervisor is adamant,
the roadblocks can't come down.
INT. POLICE CAR - DAY
Tony and Laura exchange a look - a tacit agreement that this
is their chance. They gently lean forward towards the turned
back of Posy.
EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY
The supervisor has his walkie-talkie out. Oliver grabs it and
talks animatedly to the higher-up on the other end.
INT. POLICE CAR - DAY
Tony and Laura pounce - encircling Posy's throat with their handcuffs
- pulling him back - and then - as they sharply push him forward
again, to bonk his head on the dashboard:
EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY
Oliver hands the walkie-talkie back to the supervisor in triumph.
The supervisor listens, then gestures to his men to clear the
lane the police car is in.
INT. POLICE CAR - DAY
Posy is stunned - Tony and Laura release him - and, as one, start
to jump from the car . . . on separate sides. Their handcuffs
jerk them back together in the car again - and now Tony exerts
his strength and drags Laura out his side of the car.
EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY
The road crew finally clears the lane. Oliver watches in satisfaction
- then turns - and reacts as he sees the police car - both doors
open - Posy slumped in the front - and beyond - Tony and Laura
hurrying from sight into the park.
Oliver pulls out his gun and fires.
EXT. PARK - DAY
As - hampered by the handcuffs, Tony and Laura run for their
lives and we -
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
TO ACT THREE
- BACK