Anti-Steele Your Heart Away Act Two

anti-steele your heart away -- act two Date: Thursday, March 08, 2001
Susan Deborah Smith <susannah2k@netscape.net> okay to archive REMINGTON STEELE "ANTI-STEELE YOUR HEART AWAY" a teleplay by Susan Deborah Smith (with respectful apologies to and much admiration for Brian Clemens) ACT TWO FADE IN EXT. HOTEL -- DAY In an older block of buildings, nothing special, maybe slightly run down. Laura's rental car pulls into a guarded, fenced parking lot next door. INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY Tony blinks at a room that is not so much dirty as faded, ancient, and lacking in Hilton style comforts. Laura enters with her suitcase. TONY: Is this the kind of place we usually go to on our lunch hour? LAURA (ignoring him): It gets us off the street, and there are plenty of people downstairs - they wouldn't dare try anything here. Tony flops on the bed. TONY: It's not the Hilton, but I'm not complaining. He stretches out his arm and pats the bed. Laura ignores him and seats herself in a chair. She looks at Tony and thinks. Tony, a bit uncomfortable under this scrutiny, props himself up on some pillows and tries to get a conversation started. TONY: So. Who's the "they" who won't dare try anything? LAURA: That's what we're going to try and find out, Tony. What were doing here in New York? TONY: You don't know? LAURA: All I know is I got to the office on Friday and there was a note from you saying you were taking a long weekend and you'd be back on Monday. TONY: Huh. Well - obviously I had to take off on some important case. Sure. That would explain this idea I can't shake. The one about there being a crime or something that we've gotta stop. Then he sees Laura's skeptical face. TONY: What's wrong with that? LAURA: You don't work that way - alone - without me. TONY: Oh, come on! Are you telling me I'm a detective but I never go out alone? Laura stares at him, silent. TONY: There's something you're not telling me. All that crap about not knowing my background - after all we've meant to each other! Ms. Steele - Laura - don't keep holding out on me! You've gotta help me - please. Tell me the truth - everything you know. LAURA: Mr. Roselli - you're not a detective. TONY: I'm not? LAURA: You're a government agent. TONY: Oh, my God. I work for the IRS, don't I! HOLD Tony's reaction. EXT. HOTEL - PARKING LOT - DAY Fawn is reflected in the glass or mirror of Laura's car - and we TILT UP to find Fawn grimly scanning the surroundings of the hotel. INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY Tony is sitting up on the edge of the bed. TONY: Are you trying to tell me I'm some kind of spy and I've traded jobs with a guy who's a private detective? LAURA: Pretty much, yes. TONY: And that's it? That's all you know? LAURA: You've always been very evasive and mysterious about your background. TONY: Well, yeah, but haven't I dropped any hints or clues along the way? LAURA: Well, when I first met you, you were posing as an archaeologist in the jungle in Mexico. Then you turned up as the head of the Immigration and Naturalization office in Los Angeles. After that, you were a consular official in London, and last time I looked you were wanted by both the CIA and MI6 on suspicion of being a double agent - before my husband finally cleared you of all charges. TONY: Man, I really get around. (pleased; then shocked) Waddaya mean, your husband? LAURA: Remington Steele. TONY: You're married to the guy who owns the agency? LAURA: Yes. I mean, no. (patient) No. I own the agency. His name, my experience - oh, never mind. (beat) While I'll admit the various bits and pieces are fascinating, they fall short of telling us who you really are. TONY: Who I really am . . . ? Yeah, that's part of it, somehow . . . LAURA: If we could find out what you've been doing since you got here - where you've been - then we might be nearer to discovering why . . . TONY (interjects): Hey, hold on! I see a place . . . There's a man. A man with a briefcase. He has grey hair. LAURA: Yes. Tony gets up and paces, enlarging on this tantalizing scrap of memory. TONY: He's opening the briefcase. LAURA: Yes, yes . . . TONY: There's a tape player inside. The old fashioned kind. LAURA: Keep going. TONY: He turns on the tape player and . . . LAURA: Yes? TONY: A voice on the tape says "Good morning, Mr. Phelps. Your mission, should you decide to accept it - " Laura frowns and rolls her eyes. That line is awfully familiar. TONY (not noticing): . . . And then the tape self-destructs after five seconds. LAURA: Oh, no. TONY (stops pacing): Yeah, it does. Like acid's been poured over it, just up in smoke. LAURA: Tony, everybody knows that the scene you've just recounted is the opening to every episode of Mission: Impossible they ever made. TONY: Oh. He sits down. Laura watches him for a moment. His depression is apparent. Then her eyes are riveted by something sticking out of his pocket. LAURA: Don't move! Tony looks up. Laura reaches toward him and gently pulls whatever it is out of his pants pocket and examines it. It's wrinkled not just from being stuffed in his pocket, but from being water-logged. LAURA: It's a menu. For take-out pizza. TONY: Hey! A clue! He takes it from her and reads it. They exchange looks and head for the door. EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - PIZZA PLACE - DAY Establish, then Tony and Laura enter shot to regard the faded building. TONY: Is this where I usually like to eat? LAURA: Let's have a look. Laura ENTERS the pizza place, but Tony VEERS OFF to look at the boarded up bar next door. Through the glass we see Laura speak to the GUY behind the counter then turn and react when Tony isn't beside her. Laura EXITS the pizza place, looks up the street then down it. ANOTHER ANGLE Tony is reading the notice we saw before. He is frowning, trying to recall something. We HEAR VERY FAINTLY the distant sound of HOOFBEATS as Laura grabs his arm and: LAURA: Come on. She tugs him away. A beat later, Fawn enters shot to gaze after them. INT. OFFICIAL OFFICE - DAY Poppy is leaning back in his chair and gazing out the window at some Washington landmark. POPPY: A private detective? EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - PAY PHONE - DAY Fawn talks into the phone. FAWN: With Remington Steele Investigations. I got it from the hospital. It's some kind of family business. The woman and her husband -- INT. OFFICIAL OFFICE - DAY POPPY: Oh, dear. This is getting more complicated by the minute. It's a darned shame I don't have all those Company resources to fall back on. FAWN (v.o.; phone filter): If you want my advice - POPPY: Thanks, Ms. Hall, thanks, but I don't think so. I realize you're a darned loyal assistant, but you're still (beat) just a darned loyal assistant. (thinks) Now let's see here. First, we need to find out how much Mr. Roselli knows and why he's using a detective agency as a front. FAWN: And then? POPPY: Terminate, Fawn. Go up the river and - you know - terminate. Terminate his operation. And he hangs up, returning his gaze to the Washington view. INT. POOL HALL - DAY Through a doorway, we see Tony pick up a cue stick from one of the dusty, broken down tables and bend over the table. TONY: Number six in the side pocket. (mimes a shot) Oh, man, those were the days. Laura approaches the door to the back room. LAURA: Is this it? Tony lays the cue down and follows. Laura pushes the door wider to: INT. BACK ROOM - DAY REVERSE ANGLE as Laura and Tony enter and look around. TONY: Yeah. Yeah. This seems kinda familiar. He moves to stare at spot where Clines was lying. TONY (cont'd): Does that look like blood? Laura moves to look - to crouch, touch the dark patch with her fingers. She reacts. LAURA: It's more like oil or something. It's not blood. As she rubs her fingers on a cleaner spot of carpet: TONY: So maybe he wasn't dead. LAURA: Maybe just unconscious like you. Laura rises and gazes around the room. A narrow door catches her eye, and she goes to it and pulls it open, then reacts as a rack of pool cues falls out on her. As she tries to support the rack, the cues continue to fall like toothpicks all around her. Tony comes to her aid, and Laura laughs, nervously. So does Tony, as if they were both expecting something else to fall out of the closet. Their laughter stops dead at the sound of: OLIVER'S VOICE: Keep your hands where we can see them and turn around. Slowly. Laura and Tony slowly turn around to find themselves facing two uniformed members of the NYPD - Oliver, an erect, crew-cut type, and Posy. Posy has a gun pointed at them. OLIVER: The Lieutenant was right. POSY: Said you'd come back to dispose of the body. LAURA: What body? TONY: The one that - ANGLE ON TONY'S FOOT as Laura's heel drives right into it. TONY (cont'd): Ow! RESUME SHOT LAURA: What body? POSY: You know what body. OLIVER: If you're not here to dispose of the body, then what are you doing here? LAURA (shrugs): Just looking around. POSY: Breaking and entering. In addition to - TONY: You guys've got it all wrong. We're private investigators . . . LAURA: That's right - we're on your side. During this, while Posy keeps them covered, Oliver advances on them. TONY: There was this clue, see. A pizza menu in my pocket . . . LAURA: So naturally I thought . . . She is cut short as Oliver snaps a handcuff on her wrist - and then the other on Tony's. OLIVER: Save it for the Lieutenant. Tony and Laura regard each other haplessly - they are now handcuffed together. POSY: You have the right to remain silent . . . EXT. POOL HALL - DAY Oliver and Posy hustle Tony and Laura toward a police car. TONY: You're making a big mistake here, guys. When the lieutenant finds out who I am . . . (sotto voce to Laura) Maybe he'll do me a favor and tell me! LAURA: Who's body is it? The one you think we were hiding? Oliver opens the door to the back seat. As Posy shoves them into the back seat of the police car: LAURA: You could at least tell us who we're supposed to have killed! Posy jumps into the front seat and the police car pulls away. EXT. AVENUE - DAY TRAVELING EYELINE TO: the Manhattan skyline being left behind. The police car is heading in the other direction. INT. POLICE CAR - DAY As Tony leans forward, gently inquiring: TONY: Which precinct are you taking us to? OLIVER: Twenty-fourth. TONY: Ah. Apparently satisfied, he settles back next to Laura, leaning close to whisper. TONY (cont'd): The twenty-fourth precinct is in Manhattan. He nods toward the view out the back window. TONY (cont'd): They're not police. LAURA (startled): What?! Posy turns menacingly. POSY: Something wrong? LAURA (lifting manacled hand): The cuffs bit into my wrist. POSY: We're almost there. TONY: Laura. Listen. We haven't got much time. As the ominous accuracy of his words register on Laura: EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY A road crew is setting up roadblocks and detour signs. There is a large park running along one side of the avenue. INT. POLICE CAR - DAY Oliver and Posy exchange a frustrated look - then Oliver alights, Tony and Laura watching as: EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY Oliver moves away from the car to remonstrate with the SUPERVISOR of the road crew. (They talk unheard at this distance.) Clearly Oliver wants him to let them through - the Supervisor is adamant, the roadblocks can't come down. INT. POLICE CAR - DAY Tony and Laura exchange a look - a tacit agreement that this is their chance. They gently lean forward towards the turned back of Posy. EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY The supervisor has his walkie-talkie out. Oliver grabs it and talks animatedly to the higher-up on the other end. INT. POLICE CAR - DAY Tony and Laura pounce - encircling Posy's throat with their handcuffs - pulling him back - and then - as they sharply push him forward again, to bonk his head on the dashboard: EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY Oliver hands the walkie-talkie back to the supervisor in triumph. The supervisor listens, then gestures to his men to clear the lane the police car is in. INT. POLICE CAR - DAY Posy is stunned - Tony and Laura release him - and, as one, start to jump from the car . . . on separate sides. Their handcuffs jerk them back together in the car again - and now Tony exerts his strength and drags Laura out his side of the car. EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY The road crew finally clears the lane. Oliver watches in satisfaction - then turns - and reacts as he sees the police car - both doors open - Posy slumped in the front - and beyond - Tony and Laura hurrying from sight into the park. Oliver pulls out his gun and fires. EXT. PARK - DAY As - hampered by the handcuffs, Tony and Laura run for their lives and we - FADE OUT END OF ACT TWO TO ACT THREE

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