by queenheadintheclouds aka steelequeen aka SteeleFan
*This fanfiction takes
place within the first season of the show. I
made sure that anything that happens with in doesn't affect the
established show timeline. I don't own these characters or the show.*
It was another Friday in the offices
of Remington Steele
Investigations. Bernice was using Laura's desk and a small lit
vanity mirror to fix her makeup while talking to Laura about her
plans for the weekend.
"I don't want to meet Mr. Right
in a bar. Especially not downstairs."
Laura said to her.
"Why not? Do you have any big
plans this weekend? Or any plans at
all?" Bernice challenged.
"I'm planning on doing some laundry.
Catching up on balancing my
checkbook. Ordering a pizza in." Laura replied.
"Waiting for Mr. Steele to make a move?" Bernice asked.
"No. Not waiting for Mr. Steele
to make a move. Business and
pleasure, Bernice. Must be kept separate." She relayed.
"I'm not Murphy, Laura."
Bernice chuckled. "So don't give me the
company line. If Mr. Steele asked, you'd go."
"I'd consider going." Laura corrected.
"You need to get back on the
horse. Ever since Wilson you've been
moping around. Its time to move on. If not with our Mr. Steele then
with someone." She told her. "The man wore white belts. He's not
worth living like a nun."
"And you suggest the bars and
restaurants downstairs as a key
poaching ground? That's not my style." Laura waved off.
"So how about this?" Bernice
took a piece of paper out of her purse
and handed it over.
Laura studied the page before looking up.
"Taking out a personal ad?" She questioned.
"I like to think of it as placing
an order. Single white female
looking for single male. Thirties to forties. Over six foot.
Artistic." Bernice demonstrated. "Easy as pie. And then you see what
comes in and pick."
"Have you had any luck? You're still going downstairs." She wondered.
"In fact I'm going to meet bachelor
number one." Bernice smiled. "Try
it. If you don't like it then you don't have to continue. What does
it hurt? You read their letter, meet them in a public place. It's the
80s, this is how its done."
"Progress. What next? Dating
over the computer?" Laura managed a
Later in the evening, Laura is still
at her desk and working on her
ad, reading back aloud as she fills it in.
"Ah, Ms. Holt." Remington
waltzes in and Laura, embarrassed, scurries
the paper under a folder.
"Just catching up on some old cases." She covers.
"The Shining. Jack Nicholson.
Shelly Duvall. Warner Brothers. 1980.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." He smiles at her.
"Thank you. This isn't the Overlook
Hotel and I'm not a blocked
writer." Laura returns. "In fact I'm just about finished."
"I'll walk you out. I'm leaving myself." He replied.
"Let me just get my coat."
Laura leaves and Remington moves the
folder to see what Laura had
hidden. He had heard her for about an hour now working out something.
By the sounds of it, an advertisement of some sort.
He wanted to read it but debated within himself whether he should. He
was a detective now, or at least playing one. Whatever it was could
be important to him and thus the agency.
He was about to move the file when she returned.
"All ready?" He asked.
"Just need this." She takes
the ad and shoves it into the folder and
puts it into her tote bag.
When they part downstairs, Remington
wonders if perhaps he's being
replaced. The ad did sound like him. Perhaps Miss Wolf and Murphy
were getting their way with ousting him. And in return Laura was
placing a want ad to find a reasonable lookalike to hire instead.
Meanwhile, Laura arrived at home and
fed Nero. She ordered her pizza,
and while waiting for it to be delivered, took the folder out of her
bag and with it the ad.
She stared at it for a while and debated what to do with it.
Remington spent the weekend wondering
how he could change their minds
and stay on in this current situation. It was too plush not to keep
it up. Penthouse, excitement, and Laura. The thought of losing it
sent him into a panic. It was the best position he'd landed himself
in for a long time. But maybe he'd grown too comfortable. Gotten too
lax in assuming they'd never get rid of him.
Remington Steele Investigations Offices
Bernice and Laura are talking outside
at Bernice's desk over coffee.
Murphy is locked in his office and Remington has yet to arrive.
"How did your date go?" Laura asked.
"I think it went well. But who
knows? He's a sax player from New York
originally. Hates the West Coast. I don't do long distance
relationships." Bernice sighed. "Still, I've got nothing better
coming down the pike at the moment so I'll give it a shot. He was a
decent guy. Nice looking. Not our Mr. Steele but he gets my name
"I was working on the ad when
our Mr. Steele was still hovering
Friday night." Laura confessed. "Made it difficult to fill out what
I'd consider an unbiased want ad."
She handed her ad over to Bernice.
"Single white female looking
for single white male. Early 30s. Dark
hair, light eyes. Foreign accent a plus. Must love old movies and
have never owned a white belt." Bernice smirked as she read
aloud. "You forgot to add height, weight, and fondness for lateness."
"He might have seen it."
Laura bit her nail. "He offered to walk me
down as he was leaving. I went to get my coat."
"So?" Bernice wondered.
"So, should I bother to even
place it?" Laura asked her. "If he saw
it surely it will only go to his head."
"Even if you don't place it,
it'll go to his head." Bernice pointed
out. "And that's even assuming he cared what you were writing.
Chances are he figured it was a report or legwork and you know his
aversion to that."
"Very true. That's probably what
it was. He probably gave nary a
look." Laura decided taking a deep breath. "Place it for me."
"You got yourself a deal."
Bernice smiled. "In fact I was just going
over there now to renew mine."
Laura watched as Bernice put on her
coat and left with the ad. It was
too late to stop her and change her mind.
As Bernice left, Remington walked in.
"Morning, Laura Had a nice weekend?"
He smiled, proud of himself for
getting in earlier than his normal ten am.
Laura tried to decipher his smile but there was nothing telling in it.
"Fine. Got finished with that
report I started on Friday." She
"Lovely. Lovely. Am I needed
for anything today? Any store openings?
Any wildlife meetings?" He asked trying to appear helpful and open to
keeping his job.
"I'll let you know. We're in
one of our lulls. Happens every now and
again when humanity decides to go on vacation." She explained.
"Like death takes a holiday?" He quipped.
"On the same concept." She
took another sip of her coffee. "Well I
have more filing to do."
She hurried into her office and closed
the door behind her. Without
Murphy or Bernice there to chaperone, Laura was always afraid she'd
do something impulsive. Something that could never be returned from.
And most importantly something that would in no doubt ruin the agency
she'd given everything to build up.
Still when he looked at her like that
she wondered if Bernice was
right. If one eye rolling good time was worth whatever the
She just wasn't willing to take that
step. And maybe whomever
answered her ad would take some of the heat away from fishing off the
company pier so to speak.
ONE WEEK LATER
Bernice comes into the office with her mail and Laura's.
"Looks like you got a response."
She waves the envelope in front of
"I did?" Laura examines it and cautiously opens it up.
She reads what's written and can't help but smile.
"Well? What does it say?"
Bernice takes the letter from her. "Saw
your ad. Sounds intriguing. Meet me at L'Ornate, Friday at 8."
"Morning " Remington announces his presence.
Laura and Bernice both look at the
"Insomnia?" Bernice asks. "Usually you don't appear before 11."
"Now, Ms. Wol..Fox, I've realized
that's no way for a figurehead to
act. I must be diligent and give the apperance of a professional." He
corrected mostly for Laura's sake.
"Always a good change to make." Laura replied and shrugged to Bernice.
"Any new cases? Any prospective clients coming in?" He inquired.
"Still the same lull." Laura answered.
Remington looked worried but flashed
her a smile and decided to lower
himself to offer to do office busy work.
"If you need more filing to be
done, I could help. These cases
fascinate me." He said nonchalantly.
"I think we're fine. But I'll
let you know." Laura replied as he went
into his office.
"That was weird." Bernice
commented. "Skeezits offering to do office
work? There must be some angle he's trying to work."
"Maybe he's trying the book idea
again." Laura supposed. "Or to top
himself in the press."
In his office, Remington is still
worried about the slowdown in
business. He still hasn't gotten any more information about his
replacement and there didn't seem to be any prospective job
applicants arriving for interviews. Which only meant that there
wasn't anybody yet that felt they fit the requirements.
He'd been so out of sorts lately that
he'd taken to reading the want
ads. Seeing what else was out there in terms of normal day to day
employment. It took time to set up a con or a heist and sometimes one
had to take a boring job in a pinch to make ends meet.
About a week ago he'd found the personals
and an intriguing ad. He
replied to it and figured that maybe some good would come from all
his reading. The ad specifically mentioned someone who liked movies
and he certainly fit that bill. The deal with the white belts was odd
but certainly not the oddest thing mentioned in those ads. It was one
of the more normal wants from a woman. Besides white belts were
His blind date was for Friday at 8.
If for some reason a case came up
before then, he'd have to put work first. Something he'd never
considered doing until this point where he believed his position was
But Friday came and there was still
nothing so he considered himself
in the clear. Laura was already getting suspicious of his offers
around the office and he didn't want her thinking more of it when he
offered to change existing plans for legwork.
He arrived at L'Ornate and spotted
Laura sitting at a table by
herself. He decided to do the manly thing and greet her even if she
was meeting his replacement here. Why not wine and dine him into
taking the job? He'd have some pretty big shoes to fill if he had to
say so himself.
"Mr. Steele What are you doing here?" She greeted in surprise.
"I have a date with a lovely
lady. Unfortunately I don't know her
name. Or what she looks like." He made a show of looking around the
restaurant. "But I saw you sitting here and figured I'd say hello
before I found her."
"A blind date? You?" She questioned carefully.
"I was reading the paper the
other day and came across the personals.
They're oddly amusing at times. Hundreds of people putting their
romantic fates in print ads." He smiled. "I happened to find one that
I felt compelled to answer."
"Really?" She took a gulp
of water, nervously.. "Never figured you
for the type."
"The ad was compelling. And quirky
at the same time." He
explained. "So what are you doing here?"
"Meeting a date. He seems to
be running behind schedule though." She
checked her watch again.
Laura was on a date? So it wasn't
a job interview. He let out a
breath of relief.
"I don't seem to see my date
either. Eveyone here already seems to be
coupled up." He did another look around.
"So what did her ad say?"
Laura inquired motioning for him to join
her in the empty seat.
"Something about liking movies."
He merely replied. "And white belts
which I thought odd."
The realization hit Laura and she coughed.
"Here have some water." He handed her his glass.
"Sorry, something got caught." She apologized.
As she sipped she wondered if she
should reveal that she was his
date. If it surprised her it certainly would surprise him. It was
just embarrasing if she was supposed to be his boss and they were on
He just looked so good and sad at
the same time that she decided she
had to say something..
"Mr. Steele, your date didn't
stand you up. And I have a feeling mine
didn't either." Laura concluded.
"What do you mean, Laura?" He asked.
"I think it was my ad you answered." She confessed.
"Your ad? You placed a personal
ad?" He questioned. "In the paper?
You were working on it last week?"
"You knew? "
Remington laughed. "I thought
it was a want ad for the employment
area. Someone to replace me."
"So that's why you were coming
in early and offereing to do all those
things." Laura chuckled. "Bernice and Murphy figured you had some con
you were planning. I figured you were attempting a book again."
"Sorry to disappoint." He replied slightly hurt.
"No, this is good. Surprising
but good. Rarely do people surprise me
in a good way." Laura reached over and placed her hand over his. "Of
course this does make my not mixing business and pleasure business a
"Lets not worry about that tonight."
He assurred her. "We can be
anyone we want to be. We don't have to be Remington Steele and Laura
"But it was my Remington Steele
that I did want apparently. Right
there in print." She smiled. "So we might have to relax those rules a